As children our parents are our protector, comforter, and provider and showed us our first expression of love. But, in time if those needs aren’t being met, we tend to venture out in search for someone that can fill that void. In this case you will usually attract dependent people thus, forcing you to be in the dominant role in the relationship.

You’ll be the one making decisions as well as provisions for the wellbeing of your relationship. 

Doing this you allow your partner to become needy and enable them to always require the assistance of someone else to be successful. Or, we could find someone the complete opposite. Someone that is very controlling and abusive because they’re aware of your insecurities. When we don’t fit perfectly in the box that others design for us we begin to feel inadequate, in turn we make some unhealthy life choice.

Many times we accept things for what they are because we have allowed a dark cloud to shadow our vision of the things that we know we deserve. We have to realize that no one is put on earth to fulfill somebody else’s purpose for we all have a purpose of our own. All this time you felt like it was you. You weren’t able to make things work or your best wasn’t good enough, when all the while you were living the life of two people because he or she was incapable of living on their own. The hardest thing to change is someone’s mind. Until you have a renewed mind you will always be the old man! Remember as long as you are doing EVERYTHING, then everyone around you can continue to do NOTHING!

So, once you get your mind right, maybe others around you will change their mindset as well.

Turn Up! Turn Down For What?

As a mother I’ve heard my children use the term “turn up” repeatedly. When their excited, hear good news or hear a song with a nice tune that makes you want to pat your feet or bob your head, they look at each other with the biggest smiles on their faces and say “turn up!” Then they get so excited or as they say “hyped” that they say “turn down for what?”

Initially, I was so annoyed with this term that I would shut them down when I heard them say it. Then one day when report cards came home my daughter made honor roll and she was so proud of her self. She danced through the house and placed her report card in front of me and said “check it out, I got honor roll.” I encouraged her and told her how proud we were of her and she said “turn up.” It was then that I realized that this was something that could refer to something positive.

One day I went into my son’s room and it was clean without me telling him to do it, I gave him a high five and said “turn up.” He thought this was hilarious. He said “ma, what you know about that.” I told him I stay turned up, turn down for what? Again, he was so shocked that I even knew the term. I then educated all my children that there’s nothing wrong with being turned up as long as you’re being positive and accomplishing goals.

So I encourage you to buckle your bootstraps, or slip on your stilettoes, lift your head high, stick your chest out and TURN UP! That goal you want to accomplish, walk as if you have reached it (TURN UP!) The job you want, dress and act as if you’ve already gotten it (TURN UP!) The book you want to write, business you want to start or dream you have to do something, Do It and Do It BIG!! You can do it, but as long as you don’t trust me it won’t get done. So again I encourage you to Turn Up, Turn Down For What?

When I thought he wasn’t listening……..

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and felt as if you were talking to a brick wall. You speak about the same things repeatedly without anything changing. You become frustrated with the mere thought of having a conversation anymore because you feel as if it may all be in vain. Nobody wants to feel ignored; neither does anyone want to feel as if what their saying doesn’t matter. I’m sure you can relate to feeling this way at some point in your life. 

Believe it or not, it’s impossible for you to have a conversation with someone multiple times and not be heard. Many times it’s not the conversation that frustrates us: it’s waiting on the response from the person that we’re talking to that we have a problem with. I’ve now realized that sometimes the response has been given to us, but because it’s not what we wanted to hear, feel or see we ignore it. Ever been in a relationship with someone and wanted to know where things were headed? Ever spoke to a superior about advancement? Ever felt as if you deserved something and never received it? Well you’re not alone, but what I want you to realize is your answers were there all along. That failed relationship failed for a reason, had it not failed you wouldn’t be with who you are with now.

That position you wanted so badly at your job was the first one they cut when the company had to downsize. Often we work so hard for things with an expectation of something bigger. Not only does this happen physically, but it also applies to us spiritually as well. I have been through so many things in my walk of life. I’ve been through so many changes some warranted and some unexpected, but the key word is “through.” Regardless of how difficult and painful things were at the time that I was in, somehow and some way I got “through” it!

The most trying time that I have experienced was when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I prayed, begged and pleaded with God to spare her life. I watched her transition from this vibrant, jazzy and outgoing person to a frail, weak but still humbled little lady. Through it all I talked to God continuously with no response, until one day she passed away. I continued to talk to God. Only this time it was with anger, hurt and disbelief in my heart. I mean I’ve been talking to him for over a year with no response and when he answered this was what he did.

Are you serious? It wasn’t until I was able to stop speaking and start listening that he finally answered me. All this time I thought he wasn’t listening to me. Out of the blue a still small voice spoke to me and said “I heard your prayer, but I answered her’s.” It was that day that I realized in every conversation you’re being heard and the answer is always there, but we have to be quiet enough to not only see it but to hear it as well.

Mr. Do Right…….

For years I went through bad relationships. I allowed myself to be treated as an option while I treated my mate as a priority. I was in abusive relationships that were detrimental to the health of the physical, mental and spiritual being. I was often told I wouldn’t be anything in life, nobody would want me and that I was worthless. If that’s not enough, these things were often said in between slaps, punches and kicks. At the time I was convinced that this would be the life for me. Some of us get into unhealthy relationships and allow them to consume the person that we are designed to be. I once had an older lady tell me “baby it takes a man to get over a man.” I believed this and would replace one evil for a lesser evil.

It wasn’t until I reverted back to the things that I was told as a child that I was able to find myself and begin to develop into the person that you see today. The vibrant, energetic and motivational person that you may know me as was literally “beat out of me.” I was told at an early age that I was smart, beautiful and able to be whatever and whoever I wanted to be. I would hear my mother and grandmother often say “when you down and out call on him, he’ll comfort you and wipe away all your tears.” I always wondered who he was. Then one day I had an encounter that made me remember what the older lady said to me when I was going through those bad relationships “it takes a man to get over a man.” And then I met him. Mr. Do Right. No matter when I called he would answer. He always listened to me and if I was quiet enough I could always hear him guide me. He was so sweet that he always spoke in a still small voice. He was a provider and fulfilled all my needs. I never had to want for anything and he’s such a gentleman because he’s always opening doors for me. You may call him Jehovah Jireh, Jehovah Nissi, Provider, Way Maker or many other things. But, I now know him on a first name basis and

I call him Jesus, but I know him as Mr. Do Right.

Do you know him?